Do you ever have those days when you feel WAY older than you really are? Well, I have them quite often. It's not from aching joints, or the fear of falling and breaking a hip. It's not that I may forget to take my medications, or run out of adult diapers. It's not even that any small peep out of a child really grates on my nerves, or that we eat supper at 4:00, watch our program and are in bed before 8:00. So what is it that makes me feel so old so often? It's my MAIL. Collecting the mail is always an adventure. I walk out to the mailbox a young mother and by the time I get back to the house I feel like I'm at least 70. Just so you completely understand what I'm talking about, I've created a little sampling for your viewing pleasure. Please pay particular attention that these (all but one) are addressed directly to me and NOT to CURRENT RESIDENT which makes it even better.
First, we'll start with some hearing information. These were some of the first types of things I received in the mail.
I do understand that the elderly are not the only ones suffering from hearing loss. In fact Jered has said that I should really follow up on some of these. He thinks I can't hear, but I say it's more like selective hearing and choose not to listen to him. Besides, they ALWAYS hold their seminars/free dinners at buffet restaurants and HE of all people should know that I'm not a fan of buffets and will avoid them at all costs. I get something from House of Hearing at least once a week. Maybe they know something that I don't. The plus with these is that if I ever decide to follow up on any of them I'll get some pretty sweet deals.
Next up are the Medicare and Social Security letters.
Check out the underlined parts on the one above; "you may be eligible for MEDICARE benefits within the next SIX MONTHS." I'm pretty sure I'm not that close to 64, unless of course my parents are trying to trick me and that I'm really my mom's older sister. If that's the case, man I've aged well. The very next section says, "PLAN NOW and have your selections ready before age 65." Again, I think I have PLENTY of time to make my selections.
Although I don't have Social Security Income (just yet), it's good to know that all of these companies that are "not affiliated with any government agency" can tell me how to reduce my taxes on it and how to supplement my Medicare at reduced rates. I get lots of Social Security and Medicare mail telling me how much I qualify for and how simple it is to get started. I suppose they just want me to be really educated on all of this so in 40 years I'll be ready.
These next two are DEFINITELY for someone older than I.
The dead give away here is the big, bold SENIOR COMMUNITY. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't approve of us moving in with our rambunctious four year old. I do however appreciate being informed about how great it could be living in a community like this. The back of this one has "thumbs up" and a "thumbs down" list (very literally). The UP's: Clubhouse & Theater, Pool & Exercise Facility, Fun, Friends, Activities (I'm guessing Bingo), Attached 2-Car Garage. The DOWN's: No Yard Work, No Snow Shoveling, No Maintenance, No Stairs. Now I'm no Einstein or anything, but shouldn't ALL of those things be UP's? You know there is some senior out there saying to his wife, "Mable, look at this great community we could be part of. Oh wait, I don't get to shovel snow anymore and none of the houses have stairs. Forget it!"
Why yes, that is my actual hand. No, not the child's hand. The wrinkled, age spotted hand with bright pink nail polish is mine. They asked me to be the hand model for their post card. I had to say, "Yes." Who wouldn't want to do THAT? They are very right about me though. I have "spent many years working to provide for [my] family and [my] future." If only I weren't so close to the grave and still had a lot more life to live and enjoy all of my hard work.
For our final preview you get this:
FYI this was the only one not addressed directly to me, but I couldn't resist adding it here.
I hope you enjoyed my little stroll down "I'm way older than I appear" lane. I hope you got a little laugh at my expense. Jered sure laughs and I'm finally coming to terms with my age.
